


Home

by hollowedskin



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dissociation, Dissociative Character, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, The inquisitor is protective of cole, and how i relate to cole, and if you haven't this won't make any sense whatsoever, cole's perspective, depersonalisation, if you've met cole there's no spoilers, this is based off my experience with depersonalisation, who is my son now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 03:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5114417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowedskin/pseuds/hollowedskin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>He loved Skyhold.</i><br/>  <i>He had felt their collective awe when the Herald had lead them over the crest of that last rise and they saw their new fortress for the first time.</i><br/>  <i>The hope had blossomed from them like spring flowers unfurling after a long winter, one after the other bursting into life until he stood bathed in their light, bright and hot like the sun.</i><br/>  <br/>  <i>For a few moments that golden hope had seared through their grief, through the heavy hopelessness and the cold sharp fear that had peirced them through the long trek up the mountains.</i></p>
<p>They've just arrived in Skyhold and Cole is getting used to being treated like a person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Meeting Cole in dragon age was like talking to myself when I'm dissociating or experiencing depersonalisation and I wanted to write from his perceptive as someone who knows what it's like to feel like you're not real.  
> Later i'm going to write a longer one from the Herald's perspective about adopting him, but for now this is my first attempt at fanfic. I hope you enjoy.

Cole looked over the expanse of Skyhold from his perch on the battlements, it had only been two weeks since their arrival but already the people of the Inquisition were building, fixing, finding ways of making it livable. He could feel their satisfaction with each task completed, the sense of belonging slowly creeping in around the edges of their loss.

  
He loved Skyhold.  
He had felt their collective awe when the Herald had lead them over the crest of that last rise and they saw their new fortress for the first time.  
The hope had blossomed from them like spring flowers unfurling after a long winter, one after the other bursting into life until he stood bathed in their light, bright and hot like the sun.

  
For a few moments that golden hope had seared through their grief, through the heavy hopelessness and the cold sharp fear that had pierced them through the long trek up the mountains. 

And the Herald. She was golden too. He saw the way they turned their bodies to her like she was the only warm thing in the world. She was a bushfire, a pillar, a pyre, and where she walked they all caught alight.  
To give that, to set them on fire, human tinder crackling and popping with promise, it was a gift. And the embers left behind still rippling and glowing hot, their trust. Trust enough to follow her through the cold.  
  
To here. The fortress fluttering with the fragile hopes pinned to every surface. To a place standing empty, waiting like open arms to embrace and welcome them home.  
  
Home.  
He had a home now too. A home, a house to haunt. But no, not a ghost anymore. A spirit but she remembered him. Looked at him and spoke with kindness and offered him a place. 

“You” she said “are welcome here”.  
Not it, thing, that, spirit, _demon_ , creature

You.  
He.  
Cole 

He was Cole and she _remembered_ him and looked at him and spoke to him, asked him if he _wanted,_ asked him if he was _happy_ , not if he can make her happy, not if he could make them happy, asked if _she_ could help.  
Asked him. Cole.  
Asked if he could help her, not told, not took, but asked. Gave gifts of knives and armor, and why did she care if he got hurt? And each question was a spike of anger in her but not at him. Not at Cole.  
She said she didn’t want to see him hurt and she was sad in her eyes and her heart had arms to reach out and pull him in. Like Rhys, like Genevive. But she knew she _knew_ she knew he wasn’t real and she never looked away.  
  
He put the armor on and she was happy, he used the knives, _his_ knives now and she was fear. But not fear _of_ him, fear _for_ him. Fear for Cole. Fear of loss. Regret, hot and thick and choking _  
"_ _he’s just a child what have I done! How could I ask him to fight for me. Cole, Cole are you alright?”_

No one ever cared if he was alright.   
And they were all right. All fight, all spite instead.   
He wasn’t real but she said they were wrong. 

She stopped them when he wasn’t there but he could see it in their thoughts  
  
“ _His_ name is Cole, not ‘it’, and you will refer to him as such from now on”  
“He is not a demon, he is a _child_ ”  
“If I hear that you have tried to evict him ever again I will drag you out of this fortress and into the snow myself _do i make myself clear lieutenant?_ ” 

And her arms caught up with her heart and she held him to her chest and told him she would never let anyone hurt him again.  
She was a shield and a sword and a fire and she would never let anyone hurt him again.  
She was truth and hope and golden sunlight and she told him he was real, and she told him that she cared.  
She told him his name was Cole and he was never an it, a thing, a creature to her.

  


***

He caught her moths to show her how they flew to her, how she was made of flame, and he would follow her in the dark.

She said thank you and let them dance around her, and he heard in her thoughts that she liked to see him smile.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you liked this, or if it made sense at all. It's my first fanfic for anything and i'd appreciate your thoughts.


End file.
